THE AMY SPALDING

Fat and Clothes and Me

Wed, 15 May 2013 23:56:56 -0700

I’ve half-started so many essays on being fat and loving fashion and then they don’t come together right so I delete them. Then tonight, a person I care about and who cares about me told me—ME!—that the main reason workplaces have to have dress codes is that you can’t legally say only certain sizes can wear certain things, but “you know how some people take things too far”.

Setting aside the fact that this is CRAZY TALK, I was just really horrified at all the insinuations this made. On a fashion level, it’s just stupid, because there’s no one thing thin people can wear and fat people can’t. There are so many other factors, like body shape and height and proportion and attitude. I wear skinny jeans from the plus size department at Forever 21 almost every day because I like how they look and also they’re dirt cheap. I know there are people who would say a lady of my size shouldn’t wear them, and fuck that.

The bigger and more offensive and just plain stupid part of this to me—again, setting aside that THIS IS NOT WHY WORKPLACES HAVE DRESS CODES—is that for some reason, average-sized and thin people sometimes believe in this narrative that fat people have no idea we’re fat. They’re like, oh god, someone should tell that fat person we can see they’re fat. They have no idea!

Uh, do they know what it’s like to be a bigger than average woman in America? Do they know what it’s like reading internet comments about how fat some size 4 model is? Do they know what it’s like when men in sitcoms have nightmares about accidentally winding up on a date with a woman who’s SMALLER THAN YOU whose only “flaw” IS HER SIZE? Do they know what it’s like to see a girl who looks like you on TV and perk up and feel represented only to realize she’s the “before” in a commercial? (Try being fat with glasses! Commercials want to fix your size and your vision!)

Actually, they probably do know. Because this affects all of us. Society polices all of us and says that us women are too fat or too thin or too slutty looking or buttoned up way too the fuck much and good god, you know what? I’m gonna wear whatever I goddamn want. If you don’t like how I look, that’s just fine, but don’t assume it’s because I mistakenly thought I was a size 4.

(The point of my original post, before this conversation, was that I’m challenging myself lately to take style inspiration from people who are much thinner than me and wear things I wouldn’t wear and therefore have to reinterpret in ways I’m comfortable with. And yet now I just kinda want to interpret literally and let that be that.)

Dudes I Know

Wed, 15 May 2013 16:35:59 -0700

I’m the first person to get riled up when anything misogynistic pops up but I often feel very alone in my CURRENT life experience as someone whose immediate/regular/etc. social circle is full of men who don’t say/do things that raise my hackles.

Am I lucky or blind? I mentioned the other day, in relation to something unrelated, that I’ve self-selected my social world down to such a degree at this point in my life that it’s easy to forget what the rest of the world is like. The other day in the kitchen at my office I mentioned offhand that I had complicated feelings about marriage and gender roles, which is—LET’S BE HONEST—the kind of thing I say all the time within my personal life with nary a raised eyebrow, and yet suddenly I saw what I looked like in the “real world”. And also my “real world” is an entertainment ad agency where we’re still probably really removed from the average societal opinion on such things.

Though of course I’m a lady on the internet so I never forget sexism is real and present and absofuckinglutely stupid.

"Pick a side. Pick a team. Help your team win."

Wed, 15 May 2013 14:25:23 -0700

“Pick a side. Pick a team. Help your team win.”

- Life advice from my boss

I wish I felt like this all day every day.

Wed, 15 May 2013 10:59:13 -0700

I wish I felt like this all day every day.

Positivity Project 2013

Tue, 14 May 2013 13:21:37 -0700

Earlier this year I was becoming increasingly concerned with my methods of dealing with stressful/negative people/situations, real or perceived, and what I ended up doing was launching Positivity Project 2013 (part of my year’s overall theme, KEEP IT TOGETHER, SPALDING (following up last year’s overall theme, GET IT TOGETHER, SPALDING)).

I’ve almost blogged about this a dozen times, but I don’t quite know where or how to start, especially with something deeply personal. But it’s not that side of it that freaks me out, it’s more that I had earnest and sincere concerns and I addressed them in the most straightforward manner I could come up with. And at least on the internet earnest/heartfelt isn’t my jam.

Which is weird, perhaps? Well, it’s not. No one needs to tell you the internet is a really supportive place to be ironic and detached and droll and all of that stuff I come by really easily. Being earnest seems an online activity reserved for our parents and the people we went to high school with and know only via Facebook these days.

But the truth is that I realized I’d wired my brain to filter my day for the negative, to distrust the world if one of its citizens hurt me in any manner, to assume I was going to eventually fail. I worked my ass off to break all of that. I in general don’t hate myself these days.

So this is really good, also this is really weird.

I am a really high-strung person, so this doesn’t translate into a new inner calm. I’m working toward something I’m calling Zenning The Fuck Out, which I think serves Old Ames and New Ames in one go.

I don’t know where Positivity Project 2013 will leave me by year end but hopefully I’ll still like myself and the internet and you.

"You don’t have to be pretty. You don’t owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your..."

Tue, 14 May 2013 12:36:17 -0700

““You don’t have to be pretty. You don’t owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your co-workers, especially not to random men on the street. You don’t owe it to your mother, you don’t owe it to your children, you don’t owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked ‘female’.” Diana Vreeland”

- (via insoftlight)

Tumblr Scares Me So Hard

Tue, 14 May 2013 12:35:57 -0700

But I’m trying it again!

I’ll never stop loving this.

Wed, 21 Dec 2011 17:18:56 -0800

I’ll never stop loving this.

Women! Comedy! Festival! at Room 101

Fri, 02 Dec 2011 10:35:57 -0800

Women! Comedy! Festival! at Room 101:

Steve La wrote a great piece on Room 101’s ladyfest, with some kind words for my team Tacos for Algernon.

whathappened: ATTN: YOU GUYS, I THINK I FINALLY “GET”...

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 17:32:29 -0800

whathappened:

ATTN: YOU GUYS, I THINK I FINALLY “GET” FANFIC.

(via lightanddark)

This too.

whathappened: BLAH BLAH BLAH, KISS HIM ON THE MOUTH. I...

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 17:31:24 -0800

whathappened:

BLAH BLAH BLAH, KISS HIM ON THE MOUTH.

I don’t care that I’m reblogging this six months after the fact; it’s not as if the original post depended on its topical nature, you guys.

My lady superteam Tacos for Algernon is performing in this...

Mon, 28 Nov 2011 13:14:35 -0800

My lady superteam Tacos for Algernon is performing in this Wednesday night!! Please come support WOMEN.

An important phase in improv students' development

Wed, 23 Nov 2011 13:52:31 -0800

improvnonsense:

is when they stop high fiving in scenes.

"First, remember that style comes in all sizes, so the bigger you are, the more style you have. And..."

Sun, 20 Nov 2011 14:07:48 -0800

“First, remember that style comes in all sizes, so the bigger you are, the more style you have. And second, draw attention to your best features by pointing at them, and conceal your flaws by sucker punching anyone who mentions them.”

- Those fashion tips are courtesy of noted style icon and total badass Miss Piggy. (via fuckyeahwomenprotesting2)

Do you still love me now that you know I would wear these if...

Wed, 16 Nov 2011 17:57:37 -0800

Do you still love me now that you know I would wear these if they were made available to me.

Free Advice

Tue, 15 Nov 2011 19:39:13 -0800

If the lady in front of you in line to check out at Target has put all her items on the conveyor belt, do not feel free to lean in and exclaim “OOOH” while feeling the underwear said lady is about to purchase, WEIRD MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN BEHIND ME IN LINE.

hopelarson: Ambrosia Salad (Second Try) and Smoky Maple...

Tue, 15 Nov 2011 14:38:35 -0800

hopelarson:

Ambrosia Salad (Second Try) and Smoky Maple Bacon

World, be jealous: the Maple Bacon is my birthday present.

I was struggling writing something earlier and told myself, “Spalding, you found the game, now...

Wed, 09 Nov 2011 17:08:14 -0800

I was struggling writing something earlier and told myself, “Spalding, you found the game, now just blow it out!” and at that moment I wished it was a perfectly acceptable move to punch my improv douche self right in the face.

langer: OMG.

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 14:11:34 -0800

langer:

OMG.

Do you know if you drink a ton of whiskey for medicinal purposes the next morning you will still...

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 12:07:39 -0800

Do you know if you drink a ton of whiskey for medicinal purposes the next morning you will still feel the after effects like you were having fun.